It wasn't long until he realized that she didn't want the same thing that he did, and that scared him. Here was the most beautiful woman he had ever met and she didn't love him the way he loved her. He shouldn't have been so surprised though, as he had come to believe that the perfect woman would be forever unattainable because not only would she be smart, funny, and kind, but she would be so beautiful that men from all around would fall for her, and one by one, she would break their heart as she had done to him. Although with him, it was different. Several years of friendship had insured that. They would remain in contact throughout the years, but he knew it wouldn't be the same. The differences that brought him to love her so much were the same differences that had him almost propose to her, the same differences that made her say no, the same differences that made him persist for almost 6 more months before they had a nice, long talk. One that hurt to have but he didn't regret having it, and if he was right, one she didn't regret having either, but I digress. The day they met was a beautiful November day, the sun was out, the birds were singing, and all was good with the world, at least in her part. You see, they didn't meet in person. They met online, through a chat room. She lived on the West Coast, he in the Bible Belt. Back then, life for both of them wasn't exactly great, but it was good enough. He had just started college and she was still in high school, and because they did meet on the net and they knew the distances between them, they vowed to only be friends. Both of them were able to keep their promise, and they remained in contact via email and chat over the years, but during that time, something happened to both of them, and their relationship changed slightly, although he refused to acknowledge the change. He continued to deny his feelings for her, although it seemed, at least to him, that she was falling in love with him.
It took him nearly two years to admit to himself that he also felt the same for her and it almost destroyed him, their friendship, and her, because when he did admit it, it went so beyond just being "in love", he felt he found the perfect woman, his perfect woman. Blonde hair, blue eyes, a sweet heart and always a kind word upon her perfect lips (she had sent him a photo earlier that year and that just drove him nuts that he couldn't visit her, he never could manage his money well enough to save up enough to make the trip). She wasn't the most gorgeous girl in the world, but he didn't even notice. As far as he is concerned, none can match her beauty, either outer or inner. If he could have, he would have wrote her the greatest sonnet's mankind has ever heard, he would have written her epic poems forever proving his love for her, but he also wasn't the smartest of men, and finding the right words to do all this was so difficult for him. It didn't help that while this went on, she saw other men. That alone was nearly enough to tear him to pieces, the final stake in his heart came after she realized that his not to subtle hints about his plans to ask for her hand in marriage and she told him the one phrase that strikes fear into the hearts of men and women everywhere. It wasn't enough to tell him just that though, she told him that he, of all men, was the one man who was everything she was looking for in a man. He nearly died that day. From that day onward he lived his days out like he was a dead man, not realizing that his self-pity and self-loathing was corroding the friendship that she was willing and able to give him. He didn't see it when he tried to kill himself, and he still didn't see it until it was almost to late. Something though kept pressing his mind to ask for a why things had to end, and it wasn't until months after the "break-up" (he still hoped for a second chance) that he found out the why, at least as best as she was able to recount to him the why. It hurt to read those words, it hurt to know they were true, but it hurt even worse when he realized what his self pity almost did to their friendship. After getting the closure he needed to start healing, he made sure from that day onward he would not let his self-pity get out of control and, hopefully even one day be rid of it totally. After that day, while he still loved her dearly, he moved on and began the slow process of moving his feelings for her from that of his perfect wife, to that of the perfect friend. Someone willing to listen and to be listened to. Someone he could tell his darkest dreams and his highest hopes. Someone who could tell him the same. He also knew, and he believed she also knew, that he would never be totally over her. You don't meet the woman of your dreams and just say "Oh, whatever" and be able to totally remove her from your heart. His feelings for her were more real, stronger then that kind of "love". She would always be honored as the first Goddess to be loved by him. He knew that then that while she may have fit his idea of the perfect woman in almost every regard, there was one thing that she couldn't match, and that thing was the fact that the perfect woman had to love him as he loved her. While she cared for him deeply as a friend, she just didn't see feel for him that way.
After a little over 3 yrs and 2 months, the great romance that he thought had built up was nearly blown away in a gust of honesty. The only thing remained was the spark of true friendship that had been lit when they first met and burned and continued to burn brightly throughout their friendship. He knew that no matter where life took him, he would always take the time to send her an email, letting her know he was okay, and believed that she would do the same. He would never forget her email address as both her real name and her nickname in the chat room where they had met was permanently emblazoned in his mind. Few people he had met in person had touched him in this manner, and none that he met online, save her, have had such affect on him. They would have their time in the chat room to always look back upon with fondness, along with the ensuing years. While things were never the same between them, he liked to believe that neither of them ever looked back and always sailed to the stars, following wherever their hearts took them, and if their paths ever crossed and they met, he was sure as day that he would instantly recognize her, if for no other reason then he would recognize her inner beauty as it would certainly show in her aura. No, life mates maybe not, soul-mates, he would like to think so. Maybe time would have him feel different, and even then, her memory would burn brightly in his heart and in his soul and in his mind for all of time.
Image gallery links: Fractals | Line Art |
Space | Textures || Art Home
Literature Gallery links || Main Page
Everything within this site, not including image or text links to other sites, is explicitly (F) CopyFree under the Open Works License (OWL) 2003-2017 by Joseph A Nagy Jr.