I never thought that I could add to the first part of my testimony, that just goes to show that no man can know God's ways or reasons; both are higher than us and more mysterious than what happens when you enter into a black hole. At least with the ways of God, you can rest assured it's to bring you to a stronger place of faith, to perfect you in ways that the enemy cannot counterfeit. Here I am, though, adding to the joyous news that God has already given me to share.
Honestly, I'm not sure where to begin. I feel like I'm trying to tell a story from the middle, though the beginning has been told, between here and now so much has happened. When I initially shared my testimony, it was 2009 and I had no clue where God was going to take me. I thought I had fallen in love with a beautiful young woman and – because I have never handled such things well – lost a valued friendship. I learned from that experience, though, and in the midst of it I did find the woman whom God had intended for me, and – as it seems to me – it's always someone we least expect. I have been married now for almost three years (12 March 2011 is my wedding date) as of the day I updated this to a beautiful woman and, while things aren't perfect, we know we're with whom God has ordained for us. Strange how it happened, and it too is part of this new chapter in my story. Also part of this new story is his preparation of me – albeit as I try to resist (and at this point, I'm not sure why I would do such a thing) – to serve Him by serving the physical needs of His church. It's such a seemingly odd way to do things, but knowing what I know now from past events – it's all for His glory, it's all for my being made perfect by Him, and it's all meant to testify to, point to, and proclaim Him as being able to do what He says.
The Apostle Paul writes in Romans 7:14-25 about how he had to war against his flesh because it would bring him into sin – whether he willed to be or not – because the flesh has been made corrupted by exposure to sin. About a year after I got married – while I was battling cancer a second time – I had to confess to my wife that I had committed adultery of the heart (Matthew 5:28). Praise God she has forgiven me, and knows that I still struggle with this daily. I wrestle with it to bring my body and mind into self-control, to be disciplined in the matters of my heart and spirit. I don't understand myself why I let my thoughts carry on that far, but I have been forgiven. Along with everything else I have learned as I study God's word I have learned that forgiveness and trust are two of the hardest things to give, especially once they have been broken already.
God has used me, however, and it is a glorious thing to be used of the Lord. I have given two sermons (here and here), and helped in many acts of what can only be termed ministry. I say these things not to boast of myself, for in my own ways I would have done none of those things, but only to brag on God and what he has wrought in me. My journey with Him continues, and even though I've had some low points where I wanted to give up and give in, He has not given up on me. My testimony will continue to grow as I continue to allow myself to be used of God and for God and by God. I am no longer my own, for I was bought with a price (1 Corinthians 7:23) and what I have now I owe to the provision of God Almighty.
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